Choices.

Today the weather was 50 degrees and raining. It was cold and miserable and just plain old unpleasant. Today was the kind of day where you just want to get home and take a nap.

I ran.

I'll admit that I didn't really want to. I actually started driving home instead of to the park because the rain was so heavy that I just didn't feel like going. And then I passed some guy out there on the road running. I did a u-turn and went to the park. It wasn't guilt, it was the idea that this was my choice. I wanted to do this for me. I keep saying that I need to begin again, so I need to "walk the walk" or in this case, "run the run."

It was cold. It was wet. It was a relief to get out and just focus on moving.

I am a runner and runners run.

Begin again?

It was a bad idea to take off a month. I had no idea that I would regress so quickly. I ran earlier this week and again this morning. Only three miles both times and of that three, I probably walked almost one. Ugh. I feel as if I've lost all of the stamina and strength that I'd gained over the past year. One month of inconsistency and boom. Done. Weak. It's depressing.

I figure I have two choices: I can quit now and just figure that I ran a marathon so I don't need to keep this up. Why "torture" myself? Or, I can remember how good it feels to be strong. Remember how good it feels to forget everything but movement. Remember how good it feels to accomplish a goal.

This is really a pointless argument. I know what I'll do. I'll begin again.

POST Note: I just reread some entries from November and December. It's the mental ass-kick I needed. I'll stop whining and start running. I am a llama. I am a llama.

What to do?

I am so confused anymore. I sit and wonder and think and sit some more. What now? I just don't know what to do about anything.

In five minutes I will go running. In five minutes I will move to reassume control of my world. In five minutes I will begin to rebuild again.