Fold laundry and have an epiphany.

It's January 5. I learned something important today. As I put away my laundry that's been sitting in the basket on the floor for a week, I realize that not spending on clothes really should be easy. If I can go for a week without needing what's in the clean laundry basket, clearly I don't need anything new. Period.

Therefore, I will try again to "fast" from spending on myself. I don't need anything and what I really want to do is take a trip. Therefore, I am recommitting myself (as I've done every year for the past three) to a spending freeze and trip saving plan. I haven't been successful on previous attempts. As I review what I've pledged, I know I am ridiculous. Somehow I get derailed. I need to figure out how to stay firm in my resolve and put that money towards the travel fund and towards paying off my car (yep-- that's another goal for the year). This is all part of increasing my "happiness quotient."

Any suggestions on how to save more money?

Setting goals.

Happy New Year. I used to be one of those people who eschewed New Year's Resolutions. I figured that no one ever really stuck to them, so why make them in the first place? As I've gotten older (and perhaps wiser), I've learned that I am very goal-oriented. I like having a clear end point and then backwards mapping my path to achieve that goal. It works for me and in the process, I grow and develop positive patterns.

The new year seems like a good time to begin that planning process on a clean slate. In order to increase the likelihood of achieving my goals and sticking to my resolutions, I need accountability and I've found that if I resolve to do something, I need to tell people about my decision. "Weren't you going to..." "Didn't you sign up to..." It's easier for me to stay focused and honest if I have told others.

That said, my goal this year it to increase the Happiness Quotient (HQ). I want to engage in activities that make me a happier person. The overarching goal is to try new things and find my "happy" but that's really rather abstract. Therefore, my first official, concrete goal of the year will be to commit to running twenty miles every week. Why? My mood and overall focus is significantly improved when I engage in regular, strenuous exercise. I run anyway but putting a number to reach weekly will help my commitment. I'm telling you so that when it's pouring rain or 100 degrees in the shade, I'll have made this public announcement for motivation.

That's all for now. Rather than having a one day extravaganza of promises, I figure I'll work to develop and then implement my resolutions for happy living over the course of the year thereby increasing the likelihood that these will become good habits, not simply good intentions.

Happy 2013.

What's your resolution this year? How about past years? Did you keep it/ them? What helped?

Trying not to stress.

I'm sitting here thinking how much I wish I were out running. I was sidelined for Sunday's half-marathon and now I'm completely freaked out by the what ifs? Nothing has changed except some knowledge. Now my lack of breathing could possibly cause me to drop dead. I'm afraid to run and I hate feeling afraid of anything. It's bad enough being told what to do, but I don't know what to do with the fear. I hope the test is negative so that I can get back to my well-established routine and yet if it is inconclusive, I'm still in the same place with my lack of air. I'm feeling powerless right about now. I need to feel like I'm in charge and that I am making the choices rather than having them made for me.

It's the little things.

I've been following the Hanson Plan for training and with the exception for a week of not running (because I did a 250+ mile cycling trip) I've been really consistent, but somewhat frustrated. Just haven't seen much improvement (at least not as much as I'd like.) However, Thursday called for an 8 mile pace run and my pace for all 8 miles including my always rough/ shaky start was 10:38. It's slow by most standards but it's the best consistent mile pace I've maintained in quite a while. I'd like to drop it to a 10:15 by race time but I don't know if that's realistic. Bit by bit. I will get faster. "Comparison is the thief of joy." Just need to keep reminding myself that there will always be those who are quicker (slower). I'm out there and running just for me.

Annotation.

I get an inordinate amount of pleasure from crossing off my daily training miles. I have my plan printed out and as I complete each run, I write down what I actually ran. At the end of the week (for me the end is Sunday) I add up the miles. It is absurdly satisfying. Why? I think because it's a tangible measure of how hard I worked during the week. The miles have been calculated and because they're written down, they really exist not just in memory. I don't know if that makes sense but writing them down makes each day's accomplishment that much more real. It's a ritual that started four years ago and has lasted through all four training rounds.

Be easy.

I am running because I want to. I need to just relax and be easy. I kept that idea in mind this morning as I put in a comfortable 8 miles. Comfortable is the right word. I relaxed and ran. When I needed to, I walked for a few feet and then dropped right back into my rhythm. I finished and felt like I could have kept going for miles and miles and miles. My good run translated into feeling contented all day. Not bad payoff for my morning exertion.

A Matter of Trust.

I'm still running. Some days my miles are easier than others. Some days I just want to quit. I had a day like that two weeks ago. I just felt like I couldn't move. I was struggling to breathe, struggling to move faster, and walking more than running. I was on the trail and I just stopped. Hot, sweaty, and upset, I felt like crying. I often talk to myself when I run. This day I posed a question to the universe. I asked, "What do I need to do?" Implied in the question was "What do I need to do to feel better, to get faster, to feel joyful?" I swear the universe answered. Somehow I heard, "You just need to run." Huh. So I did. I sucked it up, reset my watch and began again. I ran the rest of my route without stopping. Since that day, I've ditched the watch and stopped focusing on my pace. I've been trying to just run. I figure the universe must know what she's talking about.