The world is white.

I don't remember the last time I've seen so much snow. We got about 12 inches on Saturday, another 8 last night and now at least another 4 since this morning. It's beautiful. I love being forced to stay home. I managed a walk earlier today up to the grocery store (we needed chocolate chips for cookies) but other than that, I don't have to go anywhere or do anything. It's a "free" day. If this keeps up, I'll be off tomorrow too.

That said, I haven't been able to run. I am feeling monstrously bloated and fat but figure I'll make up for it in the coming weeks.

I keep thinking about happiness and joy. Maybe instead of starting statements with "I want..." I need a different opener. "I want" seems to lead toward material things. I'm trying (although not as successfully as I'd hoped) to reduce my materialism/ consumerism. In the past "What if" hasn't been particularly useful-- that seems to breed inactivity and paralysis. Maybe I should begin "I need."

What do I need?

Enjoy the quiet.

Yesterday late afternoon by the lake was beautiful. The orange light illuminated the boathouse and the ice on the water.

Nothing moved. Nothing made noise.

I stopped at the two mile mark simply to enjoy the quiet.Pausing allowed me to quiet my brain and just "be." I stood still for maybe five minutes before resuming my run back along the trail, to the car, to the noise.

I need to pause more often.

Running in the rain.

I ran on Wednesday in the rain. All I kept thinking was that I wanted it to rain harder to symbolically clean me off. (The Weather Gods obliged-- it was pouring when I got back to the car. ) It had been such a frustrating day which eventually culminated in a frustrating week. But while I was running, I was happy. I was soaked, tired, sore, but content. As for distance, I think it was only about two miles. I need to figure out various route lengths so I can start keeping track of my distance. I say distance because "work out" seems way too official for what I'm doing. Two miles is a far cry from 26. Need to believe.