Tonight.

I am so tired tonight. I should have run but it was pouring rain and I had an appt. so I skipped it. I feel guilty. Tomorrow night is the 5K which ends eating pizza and beer. Yum. I am going to have to pre-run to make up for today.

I've been doing a lot of thinking and decided that I've become tired of saying "used to." I used to travel. I used to bike. I used to run. I used to write. I used to be passionate. Everything is in the past. What do I do now? I'm tired of feeling like a "used to." I want to be those things again-- a traveler, a runner, a biker, a writer...

Training for this race is the start. I am a runner, not a casual jogger. I read somewhere that a jogger becomes a runner after making a commitment to race. Commitment is in place, now I just need to do the race.

Okay, am I a writer? Not there yet. I was two summers ago. I reached the point where the day felt incomplete if I hadn't written about my thinking. Somehow it got too hard to keep doing. I need to prioritize. Of course, this is writing but not really the deep soul-searching writing that the journal demands. Although still private, this still feels too public to really delve and discover through words. I'll work on that. If I can train for a marathon, I can rediscover and write from my heart.

I think this is enough for tonight. I will let my thinking continue and go read for awhile. I'm intrigued by the idea presented of making one's own reality.