Week six is now history.

I ran 11.6 miles today and while that's a new "record," I have mixed feelings. It was by turns a great run and a frustrating run. To begin with, it rained-- a light mist to a downpour-- throughout the morning. I have decided that I like running in the rain. I really enjoyed the feeling of being washed. I know, sounds odd, but I can't really explain it. Tobin has been on the past two runs. In life he couldn't be bothered to stay with me on a trail, but as a "ghost" he sticks right by me. What else? I didn't hurt. When certain songs came on, I felt like I could lift off and run forever. Actually, that's kind of how the run ended up being a bit longer than anticipated.

So why am I not ecstatic with my achievement? Again, only five weeks ago I was struggling to run 3 miles. Eight weeks ago I could barely run one. I think part of it is the stopping. I kept walking today for some reason. I don't know why. I wasn't winded. My legs were a little tired, but not horribly. I felt like I just couldn't concentrate. Maybe the music is too much of a distraction although I'm not sure I want to be alone with my thoughts for any length of time. That's the other issue. It took me so long to run those miles. I know I stopped and started, but I felt like I was moving faster than I have been. According to my calculations, I'm running somewhere in the vicinity of a 13-minute mile. People walk faster than that. I don't know why this bothers me so much, but it does. I don't want to be fixated on the time. I want to focus on the accomplishment.

So now, today, I ran 11 miles and I still feel some vague disappointment and dissatisfaction with myself. Why is it so difficult for me to feel happy and proud of me? I need to reconnect with my inner-llama and get my head in the right place. I've committed to doing this marathon and I intend to do it right. Doing it right means that there is only one goal that needs to be met-- I want to finish strong. That's it. I want to run 26.2 miles and cross the finish line smiling, proud of my accomplishment.